We SHOULD Be Talking Politics!

There are two things you are never supposed to discuss. Religion and politics. Touchy subjects. They tend to get heated pretty quickly. Have we ever thought that is because we never get to talk about them with other people?

We don’t ever get to have our political ideas heard by anyone that feels differently than we do, so why are we surprised when people get so adamant about getting their point across? If we were used to discussing ideas, every day, with people who don’t necessarily have the same viewpoint, we may not feel as inclined to cut people off and yell to make ourselves heard.

Politics are something we live with every day, even if we choose not to talk/think about them. Most political people are trying to see some kind of change in the world. Everyone has their platforms. There’s always one area where we feel we can make the biggest difference. To make change, we need ideas. Big ideas. I will tell you guys, sometimes I get my best ideas from the most random experiences. When I am completely out of my element and interacting in a manner I was not expecting. It can be very thought inspiring. Why can’t we think like this when it comes to politics?

We need to be able to sit down and have a civilized conversation with the people we see day in and day out, about things that are important to us. There are always multiple ways to get to a final destination. If we think of the change we are trying to see in the world, the different perspective may do us some good. Being passionate about something can cause blinders, and there may be an aspect that we’re not seeing. It may just take a friend from the “other side” to point this out to us.

The one thing we have got to stop doing, is making our discussions about which side is in the right. A side is not going to “win” through one discussion among friends. On the flip side of that, your side is not going to “lose” if a great point is brought up by someone else. Stop pointing fingers, stop jumping to what people are doing wrong, and start with solutions. What actions do you think will solve this problem? Why are those actions going to make a difference? Then listen for those answers from others.

It’s not going to be something that changes overnight, but we can start taking steps in the right direction. At the beginning of our happy hours (pre-crunk), we could talk about current events and how we feel about them. We need to focus on the words and statements that we’re making; trying not to make blanket statements but making statements about how we feel. Giving our own reactions without any name-calling. After we’ve made our statement, stopping to listen to our friends’ reactions, really listening. This is our friend, we should care how they feel. I mean after all, if you don’t care about their ideas, why are you friends with them?

Being Strong Is One of the Loneliest Places To Be

funny or die house sxsw 2016
Photo by Riley Blanks

I am strong. I know this, as do most people that spend any extended amount of time with me. This makes me dependable, capable, independent, and self-sufficient. It can also make me very lonely.

I live by myself, and I love it. I have everything just the way I want it. I have had great success with my job, which means I have a very packed schedule that I must put as a top priority because I want to remain successful. If I want to go grab lunch, a drink, watch a movie, or visit a cool spot, I have no problem going by myself. This doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging with other people! I am very social. I’d actually prefer to do those things with people, but am not a very good planner when it comes to getting out and about, so it’s often very last minute. This makes it really hard to get friends to join when you’re giving them about a 15 minute heads up.

I think all the above-mentioned things also give the impression that I’m very particular about what I will and will not enjoy doing. When it comes to social outings, I am pretty down for whatever though. If someone takes the time to plan something out, I love just going along for the ride. Strong and independent folks like being able to let loose; not be responsible for a little while.

When people know someone is strong and they don’t need other people, they don’t ask those people if they want company. Needing something and being able to appreciate something are two totally different things though. I don’t need anyone to keep me company, but I love having good company and a friendly listening ear.

Just because you know a person “will be fine”, or “can handle anything”, doesn’t mean it’s going to be an enjoyable situation for them. Strong people, myself especially, often won’t ask for help; not because they don’t trust anyone to help, but because they know they are capable of handling the situation, and a lot of times it’s just faster to get it done on your own. If you’re dealing with a scenario that is not fun, you want it to be over as quickly as possible. I’ll tell you, support is always appreciated, even if it comes after the fact.

Supporting a strong person is not the easiest thing in the world either! They’re going to tell you that they will be alright. They don’t want to burden their circle with their worries. The best thing to do to help a strong friend out, is to just take the initiative. Don’t ask their opinion, just hop on in there with whatever version of support that you have to offer. Trust me, they’ll be taken back and love you even more for it.

You Think You’re Cool and Accepting, Mixed People Think You’re an A$$#OLE.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation…

“So, are you black??”

“No, I’m mixed.”

“You have black in you?”

“Yep. Italian, German, Black, and Cherokee.”

“Oh, well then, you’re black.”

Don’t you think if it was the same thing, I would’ve just said yes?! What was the point of even asking if you were just going to correct me anyways? Look, I know your point of saying being mixed is the same thing as being black, is to prove that you are “cool” with black people, but it’s offensive. When someone takes the time to correct you, it’s because they don’t identify as black. Mixed kids get labeled as white by the black kids, and black as the white kids. We can’t check just one box.

Mixed kids may not have even grown up with all of their races in their household, so when you just assume they understand whatever racial stereotype you are talking/joking to them about, and they give you a blank stare, it’s because they’re thinking to themselves, “What an idiot!” For some reason, people feel the need to bring up racial stereotypes in a joking manner, to prove that they are not racist. In reality, all you are doing is proving that you do believe the stereotypes. That you’re not as open minded as you think you are.

I am the only one that’s mixed in my family. My siblings have a different biological father, who happens to be my dad, so we all grew up together. (If you’re confused by this, don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll have a blog on being a dad vs being a biological father one day…) Everyone else in our house is white. I am very close with my brother, he’s one of my best friends. I remember the first time he introduced me as his half sister. My heart sank into my stomach. We don’t call each other half brothers and sisters. He only did it because he was tired of people giving us the crazy look we get, and the “Wait…What??? Y’all are…???” questions. When I did the same thing with my sister, she felt I was rejecting her. It hurt her for years, until I was able to explain myself.

It’s hard enough not being like the rest of your family, without the outside opinions of all the “super excepting” assholes out there. If you do live in a house with both sides of your heritage, you are most certainly not going to want to only claim one half and completely ignore the other. Both sides have shown you love, so why shouldn’t you be able to claim both?

Stop giving people a hard time because they don’t want to do that. I’m going to say this again, stop trying to make people check one box.

If you really want to be cool and accepting, try getting to know someone…in a normal fashion. Ask them questions about where they’re from; what kind of music they like; what their favorite food is. Don’t just assume they listen to Tejano and love tamales, they may be half French and half Venezuelan. Or they could be half German and half Mexican, and happen to love tamales. If they do love tamales, ask them if their Mom makes them, and then invite yourself over for dinner! This is totally cool AND accepting.

Strong Women Need Strength (Part 2)

In the last month, I’ve been told by two different women that they would either be scared to date me, or not know what to think of me if they were a guy. One was referring to my physical strength, and the other to my personality. She said my personality would be “confusing.”

This got me thinking. Strong women not only need strength from their men, but from other women too. We should be applauding someone out there achieving their goals, who’s not just focused on finding a husband!

Stop conforming to what the Lost Boys are looking for. They want a girl that either can’t, or won’t challenge them in any way. The “go along with everything, no matter what I may want, or have time for” type of girl. When one girl tells another that she couldn’t date her if she were a guy, it’s just helping those guys, who are trying to skate through life doing as little as possible, with the most amount of ass as possible, expand their terrible dating standards for women.

Who cares if a woman is more focused on her career than what she’s going to wear on her date that night?! Why is it a big deal if she’s not super excited to be going on another first date? I am not gonna get excited about hanging out with a guy until I know that he is the type of man I want to spend some of my time with.

As far as not wanting to date me because of how physically strong I am, PLEASE… I cannot take away his manhood with how much I can lift, or the fact that I can do pull-ups. Just about all of being a man lies in his persona. I personally love the gender roles where a man holds the door, carries things, or walks on the side closest to the street. Me being able to lift more than some of the guys out there is not going to take away from that, unless they let it.

From one woman to all of you strong women out there, keep it up. You are amazing. You inspire me to be the best version of myself that I can be. I am going to be that version with or without a man in my life. Count on that.

Strong Women Need Strength (Part 1)

The older I get, the more comfortable I become with myself. I love who I am. I know what I want out of life. I don’t depend on anyone to make what I want happen. This makes me a strong woman. I am proud of that.

This also makes dating hard as fuck!

Strong women need strength from whomever is going to be in their life romantically. We have goals, and are highly motivated to achieve them. You can’t get butt hurt when you are not the center of our attention at all times of the day. It’s nothing personal if we don’t text you throughout the day. We are busy; trying to make things happen; furthering ourselves along.

If you want to date a strong woman, you need to have your own goals to focus on, something that you are thinking about all day. Send a good morning/have a beautiful day text, and don’t expect to hear/read anything, other than a reciprocation of that, back until anywhere from the end of the day, to two days later. For real tho, some weeks are just that busy.

Strong women are attracted to people that are going places in life, and accomplishing things. We need a partner that is not going to be intimidated by the fact that we don’t need anyone else to get things done. Support is always appreciated, just not a necessity. We love hearing that you think we’re doing a good job, or that you love our ideas, we’re just not going to ask to hear it. You have to do that on your own, and if you do, we will show our appreciation.

To keep one of these gems around, you’re gonna have to get comfortable with decision making. We’ve been making decisions, giving recommendations, and guiding people all day. The last thing we want to do is have to decide where we are going that night, or even what movie we’ll be watching. I’ve driven around for an hour before trying to decide where I want to eat, only to end up just going home and finding whatever I can in the pantry! No lie. Those decisions seem small, but after a busy week, they are just not happening in this brain. Trust me, if I care, I will tell you. It’s just that, most of the time, I won’t care.

Lastly, if you are into a strong lady, don’t tell her she’s intimidating. That is not considered a compliment. In fact, that’ll kill it, right then and there. She’ll respect you a lot more for paying her an actual compliment, and you may just make her day a little better, which might make her want to stop what she’s doing and talk to you…

We are strong women. We. Need. Strength. Just be yourself and take charge.

funny or die house sxsw 2016
Photo by Riley Blanks Photography

I love my body, and if that makes you uncomfortable, sorry for ya!

I’m human. You’re human. What makes us so? Our bodies! And our brains, yes. This post is about the human form though.

I’ve got this body with me, experiencing everything, every emotion, that I go through day in and day out. This body doesn’t change when I’m happy, sad, angry, hangry, feeling sexy, or feeling hurt. I’ve gotten to a place where I love my body, with the room for improvement there is and all. I don’t see a reason for me to have to hide that.

I recently did a boudoir photo shoot with Kara Marie Boudoir. I did this to see the sexy side of myself that I never get to see. I feel it, and to a lucky few, I show this side of myself, but I don’t ever witness it. What I actually got when these shots came back was the confident side, the happy side, the carefree side, the fun side, along with the sexy side.

We, as a society, stress to women that they need to cover themselves up. If a woman wears something that’s too short, or low-cut, she’s dressed like a slut. How do you know she’s going out sleeping with men because you can see skin? If she is going out sleeping with men, why do you care?? (Another post, I know, I know.) Why can’t women be comfortable with the bodies that we have? Why does seeing skin make people so uncomfortable? What happened to nudity being art?

We are not used to seeing nudity in our society unless it’s pornographic. Our media is highly censored, we don’t visit art museums on a regular basis, and we don’t have nude beaches. The only time most people see someone naked, is when sex is involved. This is sad. So many adults don’t know how to conduct themselves around partial nudity, let alone a fully nude figure.

I for one am not going to let this affect how I feel about my body, and am not going to get shamed into hiding the body that I have. I’m wearing the clothes I feel comfortable in. I’m going to have my picture taken, with or without clothes, and I’m going to post those pics. I’m proud of them! The lifestyle that I live gives me the body that I have, and I’m in a very good place. I don’t feel obligated to hide any of that, in whatever form it comes in.

Sarah_KaraMarieBoudoir-8I love my body! If that makes you uncomfortable, sorry for ya!!

Perfection Should Be a Feeling, NOT a standard. (30 day challenge)

funny or die house sxsw 2016
Photo by Riley Blanks Photography

Have you ever had the perfect bite of dessert? Yeah, me too! However, I bet yours was different than mine. That’s why some people are edge of the pan brownie people, while others want that middle of the pan piece. Then there’s me, I just add water to the mix, throw it in the fridge, and eat it with a spoon!

All of those are perfect options for different people, and I feel safe betting that if you’re reading this, you can agree with that point. Let them eat the brownie (mix) they like, right? Okay, so why can’t we do this for ourselves when it comes to how we look? For other people? Why are we setting these crazy, unattainable, standards for ourselves that are being accepted as a norm?

If you have full thighs, celebrate them! Stop trying to attain a thigh gap that you genetically shouldn’t have. Be thankful if you have an hourglass figure, stop thinking about muffins when you look at yourself in the mirror. (Unless you are turned on by muffins. Then you keep on thinking of those delicious muffins.) If you have a thigh gap, and you cannot make your thighs touch no matter how much you squat and eat, and squat and eat, love your long beautiful legs.

I want you to think of the outfit in your wardrobe that you look best in, you own shit in, you walk down the street and everyone KNOWS how good it looks. You know why everyone knows? ‘Cause YOU know! And every step you take exudes that. You know why that is? Cause you feel sexy! Maybe your eyes pop, maybe your butt looks cute, or maybe you just have no worries in this outfit. Whatever it is, you feel it. You feel it as you currently are. Nothing has changed! So why do you let that feeling go away?

I’m not saying we should all stop trying to make improvements, but I am saying that we should be realistic about where we want to be. At some point, we have to realize when we are taking it too far. Focusing on “imperfections” and negative self-talking are only going to bring us down. You get the same kind of energy you put out, even from yourself!

My 30-day challenge to all of you: Write down your top 3 goals. Put that paper away.

Wake up every day for the next 30 days, and write down 3 positive things, or things you are thankful about YOURSELF. Doesn’t have to be physical. ANYTHING.

At the end of the 30 days, read through that list (There will NINETY great things about you on that list!), and re-read your goals. Have they changed? If so, write the new ones down. Whether they’ve changed or not, get started on those goals, but now with a positive vibe running through your mind.

Post your positive vibes on social media. Use the hashtag #30daysofpositive. Share the love!  ❤

It’s time to find perfection in what we currently have.