Dating Is Dead, and We Totally Killed It.

If you talk to your single friends, you’ll most likely find that the general consensus is that dating sucks right now. Single-looking-for-a-relationship status is a tough one to be in. Especially for women. Now you may be expecting a male bashing post, but that’s not what you’re going to get.

This post is all about how we are bringing up our kids. How we raise boys versus how we raise girls. I’ve touched on this before, and am coming back to it now because it has really eff’ed with my own dating life.

We did women a solid and started raising them to be comfortable being strong, smart, opinionated, and independent women. Females are taught that they should be comfortable expressing their mind, expressing their feelings, and expressing their needs. We have started teaching young girls that they can be whatever they want in life, from CEO to President of the United States. That they can freely speak their mind, and turn down or put a stop to things and behaviors they do not like. This was a very important change in how we started bringing up our girls. It was a much needed and long-awaited change. While it has started, it still isn’t happening everywhere though.

What we forgot to do, was change how we are bringing up our young men. Men nowadays don’t quite know what to do with the women that have been lucky enough to be brought up in this way. They are still being taught that they are the ones that will go out and be the bosses, owners, and leaders in the world, along with other men. They are not taught that women are their peers. We don’t teach them that women have a say in things, and to respect the wishes of females. This is what makes it so hard for some men to take no as a one-time and final answer from a woman.

There are very real differences in how men and women think, and process information and feelings, but that should not affect teaching children that both men and women can be strong and independent. Single men now don’t know how to react to women that don’t need them. They are very offended, some even threatened, by this concept, when it really is a huge compliment. If someone doesn’t need you, yet wants to spend every day with you, that is quite flattering! It says a lot of good things about your character.

What we should have been doing, is teaching boys and girls how to lead together, regardless of sex. Accept the fact that males and females are different creatures, and teach kids how to accept this as well, without limiting roles we teach them about. “Yes, you are a very big boy. You will probably be able to squat more than her, but she may be able to out-sell you. If she does, she will also make more money than you.”

We also need to let boys express their feelings, from the very beginning. Strong and independent women don’t have time for games and bullshit. There’s nothing that will end a relationship faster than realizing you cannot have an adult conversation with someone. And by adult conversation, I mean direct, truthful, and tactful. If we keep teaching men they are not supposed to talk about their feelings, they are never going to cut it with the modern woman.

I do, however, believe that old dogs can learn new tricks, so if you are a man reading this, and agree with what’s being said, shed the olds ways and hop on into the new.

Strong Women Need Strength (Part 2)

In the last month, I’ve been told by two different women that they would either be scared to date me, or not know what to think of me if they were a guy. One was referring to my physical strength, and the other to my personality. She said my personality would be “confusing.”

This got me thinking. Strong women not only need strength from their men, but from other women too. We should be applauding someone out there achieving their goals, who’s not just focused on finding a husband!

Stop conforming to what the Lost Boys are looking for. They want a girl that either can’t, or won’t challenge them in any way. The “go along with everything, no matter what I may want, or have time for” type of girl. When one girl tells another that she couldn’t date her if she were a guy, it’s just helping those guys, who are trying to skate through life doing as little as possible, with the most amount of ass as possible, expand their terrible dating standards for women.

Who cares if a woman is more focused on her career than what she’s going to wear on her date that night?! Why is it a big deal if she’s not super excited to be going on another first date? I am not gonna get excited about hanging out with a guy until I know that he is the type of man I want to spend some of my time with.

As far as not wanting to date me because of how physically strong I am, PLEASE… I cannot take away his manhood with how much I can lift, or the fact that I can do pull-ups. Just about all of being a man lies in his persona. I personally love the gender roles where a man holds the door, carries things, or walks on the side closest to the street. Me being able to lift more than some of the guys out there is not going to take away from that, unless they let it.

From one woman to all of you strong women out there, keep it up. You are amazing. You inspire me to be the best version of myself that I can be. I am going to be that version with or without a man in my life. Count on that.

Strong Women Need Strength (Part 1)

The older I get, the more comfortable I become with myself. I love who I am. I know what I want out of life. I don’t depend on anyone to make what I want happen. This makes me a strong woman. I am proud of that.

This also makes dating hard as fuck!

Strong women need strength from whomever is going to be in their life romantically. We have goals, and are highly motivated to achieve them. You can’t get butt hurt when you are not the center of our attention at all times of the day. It’s nothing personal if we don’t text you throughout the day. We are busy; trying to make things happen; furthering ourselves along.

If you want to date a strong woman, you need to have your own goals to focus on, something that you are thinking about all day. Send a good morning/have a beautiful day text, and don’t expect to hear/read anything, other than a reciprocation of that, back until anywhere from the end of the day, to two days later. For real tho, some weeks are just that busy.

Strong women are attracted to people that are going places in life, and accomplishing things. We need a partner that is not going to be intimidated by the fact that we don’t need anyone else to get things done. Support is always appreciated, just not a necessity. We love hearing that you think we’re doing a good job, or that you love our ideas, we’re just not going to ask to hear it. You have to do that on your own, and if you do, we will show our appreciation.

To keep one of these gems around, you’re gonna have to get comfortable with decision making. We’ve been making decisions, giving recommendations, and guiding people all day. The last thing we want to do is have to decide where we are going that night, or even what movie we’ll be watching. I’ve driven around for an hour before trying to decide where I want to eat, only to end up just going home and finding whatever I can in the pantry! No lie. Those decisions seem small, but after a busy week, they are just not happening in this brain. Trust me, if I care, I will tell you. It’s just that, most of the time, I won’t care.

Lastly, if you are into a strong lady, don’t tell her she’s intimidating. That is not considered a compliment. In fact, that’ll kill it, right then and there. She’ll respect you a lot more for paying her an actual compliment, and you may just make her day a little better, which might make her want to stop what she’s doing and talk to you…

We are strong women. We. Need. Strength. Just be yourself and take charge.

funny or die house sxsw 2016
Photo by Riley Blanks Photography