Dating Is Dead, and We Totally Killed It.

If you talk to your single friends, you’ll most likely find that the general consensus is that dating sucks right now. Single-looking-for-a-relationship status is a tough one to be in. Especially for women. Now you may be expecting a male bashing post, but that’s not what you’re going to get.

This post is all about how we are bringing up our kids. How we raise boys versus how we raise girls. I’ve touched on this before, and am coming back to it now because it has really eff’ed with my own dating life.

We did women a solid and started raising them to be comfortable being strong, smart, opinionated, and independent women. Females are taught that they should be comfortable expressing their mind, expressing their feelings, and expressing their needs. We have started teaching young girls that they can be whatever they want in life, from CEO to President of the United States. That they can freely speak their mind, and turn down or put a stop to things and behaviors they do not like. This was a very important change in how we started bringing up our girls. It was a much needed and long-awaited change. While it has started, it still isn’t happening everywhere though.

What we forgot to do, was change how we are bringing up our young men. Men nowadays don’t quite know what to do with the women that have been lucky enough to be brought up in this way. They are still being taught that they are the ones that will go out and be the bosses, owners, and leaders in the world, along with other men. They are not taught that women are their peers. We don’t teach them that women have a say in things, and to respect the wishes of females. This is what makes it so hard for some men to take no as a one-time and final answer from a woman.

There are very real differences in how men and women think, and process information and feelings, but that should not affect teaching children that both men and women can be strong and independent. Single men now don’t know how to react to women that don’t need them. They are very offended, some even threatened, by this concept, when it really is a huge compliment. If someone doesn’t need you, yet wants to spend every day with you, that is quite flattering! It says a lot of good things about your character.

What we should have been doing, is teaching boys and girls how to lead together, regardless of sex. Accept the fact that males and females are different creatures, and teach kids how to accept this as well, without limiting roles we teach them about. “Yes, you are a very big boy. You will probably be able to squat more than her, but she may be able to out-sell you. If she does, she will also make more money than you.”

We also need to let boys express their feelings, from the very beginning. Strong and independent women don’t have time for games and bullshit. There’s nothing that will end a relationship faster than realizing you cannot have an adult conversation with someone. And by adult conversation, I mean direct, truthful, and tactful. If we keep teaching men they are not supposed to talk about their feelings, they are never going to cut it with the modern woman.

I do, however, believe that old dogs can learn new tricks, so if you are a man reading this, and agree with what’s being said, shed the olds ways and hop on into the new.

Being Strong Is One of the Loneliest Places To Be

funny or die house sxsw 2016
Photo by Riley Blanks

I am strong. I know this, as do most people that spend any extended amount of time with me. This makes me dependable, capable, independent, and self-sufficient. It can also make me very lonely.

I live by myself, and I love it. I have everything just the way I want it. I have had great success with my job, which means I have a very packed schedule that I must put as a top priority because I want to remain successful. If I want to go grab lunch, a drink, watch a movie, or visit a cool spot, I have no problem going by myself. This doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging with other people! I am very social. I’d actually prefer to do those things with people, but am not a very good planner when it comes to getting out and about, so it’s often very last minute. This makes it really hard to get friends to join when you’re giving them about a 15 minute heads up.

I think all the above-mentioned things also give the impression that I’m very particular about what I will and will not enjoy doing. When it comes to social outings, I am pretty down for whatever though. If someone takes the time to plan something out, I love just going along for the ride. Strong and independent folks like being able to let loose; not be responsible for a little while.

When people know someone is strong and they don’t need other people, they don’t ask those people if they want company. Needing something and being able to appreciate something are two totally different things though. I don’t need anyone to keep me company, but I love having good company and a friendly listening ear.

Just because you know a person “will be fine”, or “can handle anything”, doesn’t mean it’s going to be an enjoyable situation for them. Strong people, myself especially, often won’t ask for help; not because they don’t trust anyone to help, but because they know they are capable of handling the situation, and a lot of times it’s just faster to get it done on your own. If you’re dealing with a scenario that is not fun, you want it to be over as quickly as possible. I’ll tell you, support is always appreciated, even if it comes after the fact.

Supporting a strong person is not the easiest thing in the world either! They’re going to tell you that they will be alright. They don’t want to burden their circle with their worries. The best thing to do to help a strong friend out, is to just take the initiative. Don’t ask their opinion, just hop on in there with whatever version of support that you have to offer. Trust me, they’ll be taken back and love you even more for it.